Just came back from SYF camp today. The rehearsal schedules were really hectic.
The first two days of camp was somewhat fun. But last night,when it came to deciding who to kick out of SYF, the section leaders had a real hard time. Sir called all of us down to the canteen when the rest of the band had self-practice. We sat down and had to make the hardest decision. There are seven people in my section of which only four of us-Charlene,Cheryl,Natalie and myself will be playing for SYF.
I kicked my three juniors out. I felt very very bad and so guilty. If I could just put all of them in, I would really much like to. I had to kick them out as their tone wasn't there yet and their intonation wasn't good. Clarissa is still tentative though, she may be in.she may be out, it all depends. Tella is out. Karen, I seriously don't know what to say about her. She didn't even come for the SYF camp, her mum doesn't allow her to even bring home her instrument and on top of that, she doesn't come for band every Friday.
I feel really sorry for Tella and Clarissa. After I made the decision I couldn't face them though they didn't know till today. The both of them make the effort to come for every single practice and I can see that they really put in alot of effort but their standard isn't there yet.
Today after our last rehearsal,our president told the band who will be participating and who will not be. I couldn't help how I felt. I couldn't face them after that. I couldn't even bring myself to talk to them. After I kept my instrument together with Cheryl and Natalie, I just cried. I really wanted to explain why I cannot put them in the SYF but I didn't know how to tell them.
When we went back to the hall for reflection and the briefing, half of the band was like crying away. On the other hand,there were brave ones. To add on to the misery, they played those songs that will make us cry even more. I asked Cheryl and Natalie to explain to Tella and Clarissa first. Tella was sad but she didn't cry. Clarissa was really sad and disappointed, she cried. I creid even more after that. I am so so bad. I've got myself to blame. I am not a good section leader.
I finally pluck up my courage to explain things to them. I cried half way through. I really felt bad man. Even Natalie cried. I told them to put in even more effort and try harder because I believe that they can do it. I told them that I'm really really sorry. There will be band again tomorrow. This makes me feel even guiltier.